This morning we woke before sunrise and dispatched Sal's litter. We let them run around freely in the cool morning air for a while before we thanked them and harvested their bodies. They were beautiful creatures and they met their end at the hands of the people who loved and valued them. I'm happy to report that everything went swiftly and smoothly and now my freezer is full. I'll spare everyone the details and pictures. It was a pretty personal experience, raising an animal from a baby and then converting it into food...one I think any meat-eater should experience for themselves. I look forward to honoring them in the kitchen.

After we cleaned up, we had drinks nearby and toasted to their little spirits.

(Tequila Sunrises in honor of the rabbits.)

The rest of the gang will be moved upstate this week for a few months while I work out plans to move to a new farm nearby. This is big news. I'll have space to grow food on a larger scale. I'll be able to raise goats and pigs and a larger flock of hens in addition to rabbits. I'll still be close enough to the city to continue teaching classes weekly. Actually, I should get into the habit of saying "we" because Neil, my devoted boyfriend, will be participating in this endeavor as well. He's been a tremendous support and we'll be taking this voyage together. We will be farmers. It is what I've always wanted and now it's happening.

<3m

Yesterday I got some bad news from one of my landlords. I should preface this by stating that I have one wonderful, responsible landlord and one not so nice, kind of irrational one...I've posted about friction in the house of late but now it's come to a head. Their partnership is dissolving and now I have to move the backyard farm.

At first news of this, I panicked. This has become my life and I am not certain how I will adjust to not having access to a space to grow food and raise critters to feed myself with. And then it dawned on me...I've simply outgrown being here. While I certainly don't think I deserve to be the target of anyone's anger, I do see how my lifestyle might rub people the wrong way. It marks me with a rather large bullseye. My interests are not meant to anger anyone, but I can't much help what other people think or feel about it. I thought I was doing the best I could to be considerate, tidy and self-aware but it may not have been enough. And so it is. I have to clear the farm stuff out.

I'm moving my rabbits over to Dara's place temporarily. They will live in the hollowed out carriage house in her backyard in Bed Stuy. I've got to cull Salad's offspring this weekend. I'm simultaneously filled with dread and anxious to see the job done. They've been getting free outdoor time daily and seem happy and I've been enjoying my time with them. Even so, the time as come. I may just sell off Hazel's litter because I just don't know where I'll be able to cull them once they are of age. I've had kind offers from folks upstate to host such an event but money is extremely tight right now and I can't afford the gas and tolls for such a trip.

The chickens are staying put for now. The bees will be moved to Brooklyn Navy Yard in the Spring where they will be part of Brooklyn Grange's new bee yard. It'll be a good place for them because I can pester Tim to check in on them every so often.

As far as the gardening is concerned....I'm not sure if it's worth trying to plant at all this Spring. Maybe just a ton of early crops. Radishes, greens, peas...

I'll be able to get my hands really dirty with the ladies at Domestic Construction this Spring and Summer. I've signed on to help them get Design Plot, their urban garden, up and running. They are really inspiring ladies so I'm so completely stoked that I get to work with them on this. I've got a post coming up on a truly awesome project involving me, the Grange folk and Domestic Construction...Stay tuned for that!

Anyway, I'm certainly sad that things are ending on a sour note here at Jewel Street, but I've been sensing the end drawing close for some time now. I've been planning and scheming. I've got a project on the wings for later this summer, into 2013 which would afford me space, freedom, and some quiet all within reach of the city I've grown to love. I'll be able to bring my critter kingdom back together under one canopy of trees overlooking the shore. It's going to be beautiful and inspiring and I cannot wait to share it with you all. Once I've got all of that settled and confirmed, I'll spill all of the beans about it.

With that, I hope that you all continue to follow me on my journey. I'll still be teaching classes and working with other folks on their projects. Things will be different, but not much so. This is not the end. Just a little bump in the road. I've been fortunate to be cruising for as long as I had been.

<3m

There's always a favorite...one you want to spare. This one was mine and now she has a family in Brooklyn to look after her. She'll be paying for her room and board in manure for their garden.

Neil and I dropped off one of Salad and Ghost's offspring this afternoon after my beekeeping webinar. Dara from With Love, From Brooklyn took this little gal after she and her three beautiful daughters came by to meet all of the rabbits a few weeks back.

We taught Eva, the oldest of the three, how to pick up the rabbit and hold her properly, how and what to feed her and how to trim her nails. She took to handling Artemis like she had been wrangling rabbits for ages, even coaxing the rabbit to fall asleep in her arms. I feel pretty good about the outcome of this arrangement.

Afterwards Neil and I went around the corner for picadillo and pernil with beans and rice and maduros. I wolfed down my food quitely and tried to ignore the little empty spot, but it's there and there's no denying it.

One of the Chinchilla kits from Salad's litter will go to a home where she can help fertilize an urban backyard garden and teach three wonderful girls about small animal husbandry. This little gal is one of my favorites from the bunch so I'm glad to see her go on to make some other people happy.

I also find some comfort it knowing that some of Salad's genes will be going out into the world. She's a sweet, friendly rabbit with amazing mothering talent. If Little Sal has half of the charm as Big Sal, I'm sure her new caregivers are going to be very happy with the new addition to their household.

This weekend I will begin the process of "thinning out the herd". I am filled with dread over it.

The time we live in is a time of tremendous emotional pressure for many folks and for many reasons. I've been able to exclude myself from much of the to do about the economy and politics because to some degree personal autonomy is at the kernel of what my life has become...or so I thought. Things are starting to change a little...I feel the tension creeping in from the sidelines. It's pulling the invisible strings that tie me to the things I had forgotten I needed and it's caused me to reevaluate my plans for the future. I hate strings. I just want to be free, you know?

We've had some upheaval here at the house. One of the neighbors seems to feel they have been treated with some inequity and as such, the house has been subject to weird outbursts, temper tantrums random acts of destruction targeted at me primarily. It's awkward and unfortunate but part of the deal when you live with other people. You never know how they are going to react to interacting. Not everyone is equipped to deal.

This persons erratic behavior has caused me to start thinking about what it is that I want for the future. Do I want to continue contending with people that I cannot escape from? Do I actually enjoy trying to work around these limitations?

I can only continue to square peg/round hole it for so much longer before it starts to get ridiculous. The rabbits I think have really pushed me just slightly over the threshold of reason. I am thinking of selling off one of the does and keeping the breeding pair down to two and breeding them twice a year for my own personal use. It takes up less space, fewer cages, smells less, and requires less daily clean up from me. I'm culling most of Sal's litter over the weekend. They could be bigger but they have got to go. I haven't the space for more cages. They are going through feed like crazy. It is time. Much longer and the quality of their life will become an issue.

I want to have a farm where I needn't worry about issues of space. That is my goal. I want to be a real homesteader and a real educator. I just don't know how to do this here if I don't live in this weird house in Brooklyn in this condensed impractical and sometimes strained way. It works if you are working a part-time job and making up the difference with homegrown food. This situation just...I don't know, it isn't working. I don't know of any other landlord in NYC that would rent me an apartment with a sunny backyard and allow compost, a small chicken coop, rabbits for meat AND bees. That's farm stuff. I need a damn farm. A REAL FARM. Give me an empty lot or a rooftop or a couple acres or SOMETHING. I need harmony or I need people to just let me do my own thing. It's a lot to ask in this situation, but I don't think it's impossible in some other context.

Anyway, enough of that...as you can probably tell I'm feeling a bit weathered right now. Between house drama and teaching, plans to rework my website, finishing my manuscript and planning for a REALLY AMAZING AND FUN PROJECT I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT SO SOON, I'm just feeling low on energy. Send me energizing brainwaves. Please. I could use them.

On an upbeat note, I want to say that this weekend my mushroom class went really well. It was a really wonderful group and everyone left the 2 hour session beaming and excited about their new mushroom logs! Cannot wait for my next workshop! Thank you so much to all who attended and BIG UPS to Cafe Grumpy for hosting the class!

I've been spending a lot of time marinating on the complexities of raising animals for food. It's one of those things that everyone has an opinion of, but so few have any experience with. I am pretty new to raising livestock but I find that I've learned a lot fairly quickly, which I think in large part is because I've readily accepted the rabbits, chickens and bees as part of my day to day life. There isn't a time where in the back of my mind I am not considering plans to buy more hay or build hives, organizing free range time for the rabbits, scheduling time to clean out the coop and cages, or just scheming on how to get money to pay for feed. You learn the most when you are present mentally. These critters have have built a nest in my mind.

In a few weeks, I'll be slaughtering the rabbits that I've loved and cared for since the day they were born. I've selected a couple to keep aside to either trade to friends or acquaintances as pets or for breeding stock. The rest will become food for my household.

When the kits first arrived, I had serious reservations about what lied ahead of me. Did I have it in me to take the life of some fluffy vulnerable ball of fur? I can say truthfully that no, I could not willingly harm a baby animal. They were just too cute and defenseless. As they grew, they became inquisitive and friendly. They would often kiss the tip of my nose when I put my face into the cage to say hello and get a closer look. It was easy to be charmed by them. I wasn't sure how I was going to do this.

Now, at 9 weeks old, they are different. They look like smaller versions of adult rabbits. Their faces lack the rounded shape of kit-hood. While they've taken to being handled quite well, they are less interested in interacting with me and are behaving less like curious babies and more like the adult rabbits that I am familiar with. They are like their parents, who see me not as a friend, but as a supplier of things. The creature who brings the food and water and sets them free to run around in the yard. They see me as the thing that pulls them from their hutch by the loose skin above their shoulders and cleans their ears, a routine they absolutely hate but absolutely need.

I believe I've reached another level of acceptance about the nature of this relationship, and the nature of death. I accepted the inevitability of my own death some years ago. I still think about it every day. As someone who has experienced loss many times over, I get it. We're all just visitors. Accepting your own mortality and loving something only to snuff out it's light are two totally different situations. The latter is more complicated. You're making a choice. You are sacrificing a bit of yourself too when you kill something you love.

When my boyfriend Neil and I recently spoke of death and loss, I said to him, "We don't cry for the dead. They're off on another journey. We cry for the living, because we are left behind to carry on with a hole in our lives where that person used to be." I feel that way about the animals under my care as well, though not to the same degree as if a human companion had passed. They have a place in my life. Each morning I go to them, feed them and spend a little time interacting with them. A scratch on the chest here, a stroke of the ears there. This is my favorite time of day.

In about two weeks I'm going to end that part of my life so that I can eat. I'll do everything in my power in the meantime to do right by my rabbits, providing them with comfort and opportunities to "express their rabbit-ness" as Joel Salatin might say. When the day comes to harvest them it will be difficult. I don't think I want to have visitors or spectators. I just want it to be me, Neil and the rabbits so that they can feel at ease until their last moments. There won't be distractions or noise. I think quiet is respectful. With the next litter, perhaps I will invite a couple friends over to experience the process but for now it's just too close to the heart and I can't bear making a show out of it. Not these guys. They are my first and they are special.

For the last few weeks I feel as though I've been walking around with a boulder on my back. Money problems, deadlines and....well it's mostly money problems and deadlines that have been bringing me down, but pepper in a little bit of stress over lack of time and insecurity about my future and you've pretty much got a case of the "free woman" blues. It's the pits, right now. Is this how career independence is supposed to feel? I can't let myself believe that this is how it will always be. I have to know that I can live the life that is right for me without having to spend 1/3 of my life as a cog in the wheel.

I'm kicking myself for possibly getting in over my head, thinking I could just cobble together a sustainable life on my own, but now I'm in the thick of it and I have no choice but to keep pushing forward. I can't imagine going back to a normal job. I'd feel like I was merely puppet-ing my way through each day for little more than some spending cash in my pocket. Frankly, I'd rather be poor.

I'm having a hard time justifying the things that I'm doing these days. Yields across the board are pretty low because I have so little to work with. I'm speaking mostly of space to farm, but I suppose you could use that as a metaphor for other parts of my life. The only thing I feel really confident about is teaching. I enjoy sharing what I know with those who want to know. It's a great exchange and I always leave classes feeling light.

I'm really fortunate that I've been able to teach workshops to make a little extra cash here and there. So, thank you to all the folks out there who have put their hard-earned cash and faith in my abilities. I won't let you down.

I'll never ask for a hand-out, but I will ask for a chance to earn my way. Please consider helping me carry on by signing up for any of the workshops or classes below or the ones I'm presently teaching at 3rd Ward or New York Botanical Gardens. You'll be helping me to not only pay the rent, but to grow as an urban farmer and teacher. And, of course, you'll learn something!

(Me and the Catskills bees)

Online Urban Beekeeping 101- 1/22:
Learn the ins-and-outs of beekeeping from a city-dweller's perspective. From honeybee anatomy and behavior to pests and diseases to honey harvesting, we'll cover a full season of beekeeping from Spring through Winter so that you can feel confident starting your first beehive this year!

Growing Edible Mushrooms at Home- 2/12:
In this workshop, you'll learn how to turn waste into delicious, meaty mushrooms. We'll make mushroom logs from tree cuttings, grow oyster mushrooms in espresso grounds and discuss stem butt cultivation with salvaged burlap sacks! Students will take home a mushroom log of their own!

Backyard Homesteading Bootcamp- 4/7 (all day):
In this day long workshop, you'll learn how to turn your small space into a functioning homestead. Learn gardening, composting, chicken and rabbit basics, beekeeping basics, diy home and body care, homebrewing and food preservation.

More workshops coming soon!

<3 Meg

There's nothing like a mile marker to give you the opportunity to look back and acknowledge what you lost, learned and gained during an increment of time or place. The real benefit of this moment of reflection is the chance to assess what you hope to learn and gain in the future. I've never been much for New Years and all of the sentimentality surrounding it, but I've recently come to appreciate the practicality of a clear end to one thing and a pronounced beginning to another.

2011 was a big year for me. I feel like I've just begun to come into my own as a backyard homesteader and perhaps even as a teacher and a writer. It's been really difficult to scrape by doing this, but I've managed, which is an accomplishment in itself. I've honed some of my weaker skills and have developed new, valuable ones. I've been given opportunities to share and have met people who seem genuinely interested in supporting and helping me. One of the most unexpected discoveries I've made during my time here is that New Yorkers care about more than just themselves. They care more about just getting ahead. I've never seen a group of people (my friends, specifically) more willing to jump to the chance to bolster their neighbor. Perhaps we are truly starting to understand that we need each other. I consider it an honor and a gift to be amongst so many inspiring, hearty folks. I hope to give to them even a fraction of what I gain from their presence in my life. I'd be nothing if it weren't for them.

There's been much good in this past year. I've only had what I consider to be one major failure this season; I took on more than I could handle and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and unhappy about it. The excitement of actually being able to do what I love kind of got away from me, but I noticed quickly enough and plan to change. The beginning of this year will be about cutting the fat, so to speak. I plan to eliminate anything from my life that feels like dead weight or a distraction to more pressing matters and possibly hand it off to people better suited to the task if they want it. This year, I aspire to be better at letting go.

It's important to feel like I can depend on people for help more often. I am terrible at asking. I often just end up doing things myself because it seems like less work than explaining to someone how to do it. Perhaps that is true, but taking the time to get someone else on board to lighten the workload means that I'll spend less time crying and pulling my hair out when I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day for all I need to accomplish. People want to be counted on to some degree, I think. But they also want to be treated as though they can handle the job without having someone peering over their shoulder counseling them the whole time. It's a bad habit of mine and it needs to stop.

I don't have particularly lofty goals for the next year. I want to streamline my day-to-day so that it's not so oppressive. I want to perfect my curriculum so that my classes are second-to-none. I want a reputation for being dedicated and pleasant to work with among my clients and students. I want produce an amazing book that people are happy to spend their hard-earned money on. I want to keep challenging myself. I want to plan for the future. I can have these things and I will. I'm willing to put the work in.

I dream for a family and a home of my own one day. I feel myself slinking ever closer to making it real. I am on the right track. I can feel it. Each day I wake knowing I'll be doing something that matters. As a life long fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal, the feeling of purposeful living is a new and welcome change. Let's see if it sticks!

To all of my readers, I wish you a purposeful New Year. May 2012 be the year that matters!

-Meg

A lot has happened since my last critter update. I'm not even sure where to start so I'll start with the chickens (aka the bad news) first.

My hens, sadly, have all but completely stopped laying. In the past, they laid through the winter at a respectable rate. They have just finished their second season so I should not be surprised if some of them stop laying all together, though I am hoping they pick up a little once the days start getting longer. All of the hens, save for Dumpling (pictured above), are molting...a very "soft" molt, so it's taking forever. During this time, the hens lose smaller amounts of feathers over a longer course of time. It's better for them because they don't have to contend with the blustery cold with most of their feathers gone, like if they had gone into a hard, quick molt. It's bad for us though, because we have to go longer without eggs, which they completely stop laying while they grow new feathers. If we were depending on the eggs for food, I probably would have culled them this spring and had some new egg layers ready to put in their place. I like these biddies too much for that, so here they are taking advantage of my weakness...for now.

As far as the rabbits are concerned, things are going as well as can be hoped for...

Salad's litter is bright-eyed, friendly, and growing quickly. I expect to sell a couple for breeding to a friend who is also interested in raising rabbits for meat. I will pull a couple from Sal's bunch and a couple from Hazel's. With rabbits, it's ok if parents share partial genetics, like from the same father....it is not ok for them to breed with their sister, brother, father or mother. So, one of Hazel's does will be paired with one of Sal's bucks. Different mothers, same father.

Sal is having trouble with some nasty crusting inside of her ear. I have been swabbing the inside with propolis extract which she absolutely hates, but I think I will have to do a more extensive cleaning this weekend when I have an extra set of hands to help out with. I can't emphasize how important it is to do regular health checks. I should have caught this early on so it would have been less stressful for her.

Hazel's litter is nice and fat. We lost the only runt in the litter last week. It never really stood a chance. It was easily half the size of the rest of the kits and very weak. I tried supplementing it's feeding but it was too far gone. It died in the night. I removed it's limp little body from the nest box and buried it in the garden where it would supply nutrition to the soil life. Nothing is ever a waste when you observe from the perspective of nature. That little kit might not have grown to feed me, but it will feed something else. If I have it my way, my body will go back to the soil to pay back my debt to it as well.

I've had a few visitors this week, coming by to pick up chicken feed for their backyard flocks. Both times children accompanied them. I took them to see the rabbits and let them hold the irresistibly fuzzy kits. They loved them. I had to carefully navigate around the topic of rabbits being a food source. I don't want to be responsible for traumatizing youngsters. I'll leave that to their folks. One parent, surprisingly, was quite adamant that I be forthcoming with his sons about my intentions. "We eat meat...they need to know where it comes from." That's my kind of dad! I told them that some of them would become food for me and my neighbors to eat. They didn't seem shocked by it, but I wonder if they were old enough to understand what it meant without observing the bloody truth of it. Hell, I'm 31 years old and I feel like I've only begun to graze the surface.

Anyway, that's where things are around here right about now. I made a short video update of the rabbits too, so feel free to give it a watch if you'd like: